“Kourtney and Kim Take Miami” Two-Part ReKap

Nicole Fiorica, Editor-In-Chief

President’s Day weekend brings a two-part special of “Kourtney and Kim Take Miami,” which includes everything from an appearance by angst-ridden Rob Kardashian to an unexpectedly severe coffee addiction. It’s a lot to take in, so we’d better get started.

Part I

Khloe is back! They talk about Kourtney and Scott’s sex life…apparently there’s not enough time.

The Kardashian sisters are concerned about their brother Rob, who is just coming out of a bad relationship with an “anonymous” singer (who we all know is Rita Ora), and he’s making their breakup worse by tweeting angry messages about her.  Kim doesn’t feel like this is the classiest move in the book, and she wants to be there for him to help him learn that nasty, public breakups aren’t the answer, because if anyone knows about nasty public breakups, it’s Kim Kardashian.

The problem, then, is that Rob starts taking his emotional angst out on Kim. After she refused to help his friend collaborate on a song with Kanye West, Rob gets angry at her for being so unhelpful. After calling her mom to talk out the situation, Kim decides not to hold Rob’s attitude against him because he’s “just not reasonable” when he gets into this kind of state of mind.

Meanwhile, Kourtney confesses that she really dislikes living out of a hotel and that she wants a house with a private backyard and more space for her family. I can only imagine how cramped it must feel to live in a penthouse apartment, but I suppose nothing says home like an actual house. How long is this stay in Miami supposed to last, anyway?

Scott keeps trying to romance Kourtney, but she never seems to have time for him, and he’s bored. Since Khloe is in town, she volunteers to go shopping with him, and Scott says that she’s been more exciting than Kourtney lately. Personally, I’ve always thought that Khloe was the more exciting one.

Kourtney, Kim and Kanye go out for dinner, and it’s worth noting that for all the attention he brings to himself, Kanye always seems surprisingly soft-spoken in front of the camera. While they’re out, Rob calls Kim to apologize for what he said. She appreciates it and just hopes that he makes more logical decisions in the future. However, she still thinks that something is amiss with Rob, but since he’s coming to Miami to launch his new sock line—yes, you read that correctly—Kim hopes that she will be able to boost his self-esteem while he’s with them.

Rob arrives in Miami looking, as usual, like the poster boy for sweatpants (not that there’s anything wrong with that, as I’m sure most Westwood students would agree). He and Scott greet in their awkward bromance way and even though Rob looks like he’s seen happier days—well, it’s true—it’s nice to have him on the show for a change.

Kourtney still feels confined and tells Rob how she simply cannot live in a hotel for the entire duration of their stay in Miami; she wants a house, but knows that Kim is comfortable and won’t want to leave. Rob confronts Kim about the issue and tells her to be the bigger person about the issue. Kim thinks it over and offers to move into a house with Kourtney on the condition that they can both agree on a place to live. Kourtney gets super excited, and it’s actually really cute.

Rob, however is still bummed about life in general. He doesn’t take breakups well, and is rebounding. Kim is concerned because she thinks that girls take advantage of Rob because he’s so nice and generous, and she doesn’t want him to get hurt (again). When Rob goes out, she goes with him, and frowns upon his exchanging of numbers with about 20 different girls, according to her count. This, apparently, is a pattern that Rob has gone through before, and Kim thinks that it’s because of his low self-esteem.

Scott is still really upset about the lack of attention that he is getting with Kourtney. As a result, he’s been weirdly touchy with Khloe, which makes her uncomfortable. She recognizes the source of the problem, but that doesn’t stop her from being concerned about his lack of boundaries, which creeps her out. It’s funny, because I assumed that Scott was always like this, but if Khloe is bothered by something, it’s usually a problem worth noting.

Kourtney and Kim go house hunting, and Kim is annoyed that everything is on Kourtney’s terms. She’s annoyed that Kourt always claims the master bedroom for herself, plus 80% of the rest of the house and separate rooms for Mason, Penelope, and Scott. They get into a fight, which seems really awkward for the real estate agent, who just looks like she wants to make a sale and doesn’t care how they split the house once it’s purchased.  Later, Kourtney calls up Kim and they agree to keep looking because she wants less stress, not more.

Kim, Khloe, and Scott go out one night, and after having a few drinks, Scott crosses a line with Khloe. She tells him that enough is enough, and the next night at dinner, she tells Kourtney what happened, because it’s a great conversation to have over a meal. But Kourt barely even reacts and doesn’t care that Khloe is essentially being harassed. A brief public service announcement: even if you think that what you’re doing is no big deal, if a lady says to stop, she means stop. Scott understands after this confrontation that he was being inappropriate and she forgives him. All before their sushi even arrives. I’m impressed.

Rob goes out for lunch with Kourtney and Kim, and confesses how insecure he’s been feeling. Kim tells him that he needs to take responsibility for himself. Later, at his in-store launch for his sock line (which I will never be able to take seriously. He’s a Kardashian. Socks? Really?) he looks pretty good and Kim and Kourtney are there to support him.

Scott pushes Kourt to go back to one of the houses, and SURPRISE! Kim jumps out and announces that it’s all theirs! She has already signed the lease and made dinner for everyone, just like that. It turns out that she felt bad and decide that there’s room for all of them in the house. Take my word for it, there’s more than enough room for a family of any size.  Kourt is at peace and is relieved that they finally have a house.

Part II

Khloe is still in town, and all three sisters have a photoshoot because they are launching something new for their Kardashian Kollection, as well as answering questions via phone. Khloe and Kim are annoyed because Kourtney bailed on them at the last minute. Because the interview is over the phone, however, Kim pretends to be her by raising her voice a pitch, and her imitation is actually hilarious.

Kourtney is irritated by the fact that Kim has essentially been sick since coming to Miami; she doesn’t want Kim contaminating the house.  Kim calls her L.A. doctor with a list of symptoms to see if he has a diagnosis.  He suggests allergies, and she decides that she probably needs to get a test to figure out what it is. My mind immediately goes to Mercy the cat, and I’m fairly amused about where this is going.

Khloe had previously tried some Cuban coffee, and while it seemed irrelevant at the time, she is suddenly obsessed with it and the insane caffeine boost that it gives her. While driving through Miami, she pulls over and stops random people on the street—including one awkward encounter with a deaf person—to ask where she can find more.

Kourtney has to travel for work, but does not want to because of the hassle of traveling with kids, and she suggests cancelling.  Khloe can’t believe that she would say such a thing, because it is their work, and while Kim volunteers to take Kourt’s place, she’s also annoyed that Kourtney is always getting these “baby favors.”

Late at night, Khloe is still up because of her Cuban coffee (she brought home extra), and she says that it’s the best thing she’s ever had. She is literally up for most of the night and doesn’t understand why no one will stay up with her. So naturally, when the girls have to go to Cosmo photoshoot the next morning, Khloe, who has just crashed, has trouble getting out of bed. The situation isn’t pretty, and once Kourtney is finally able to drive them to the shoot, Khloe almost runs into the street while the car is in  motion so that she can get more coffee. I sense a growing problem on the horizon.

Khloe can’t handle the American coffee at the photoshoot because it apparently tastes super bland now. However, she pulls it together and they do the photoshoot. Kourtney has to do her individual photos first so she can leave to be with the kids, and Kim says that she should have a baby of her own so that she can do less work, too. With a baby on the way, we’ll see how that plays out in real life soon enough.

Kim goes for an allergy test, and when she mentions being near pets, and that Mercy sleeps in bed with her every night, the doctor is like, “you can’t tell me you haven’t thought of this as a problem.” Sure enough, they learn that Kim is allergic to cats and she doesn’t know what to do, since she doesn’t want to take an allergy vaccine but still loves the cat. At this point, the doctor is all sorry-not-sorry and doesn’t really know what she wants him to say.

Kim vents her feelings about Kourtney’s lack of help to Jonathan while they go scooter/motorcycle shopping. Kim ends up buying a motor scooter for everyone in the family, just because, and when Jonathan helps her bring them home, she gives him a tour of the house. He wants to know why Kim has such a small portion of the house compared to Kourtney’s.

While they’re at the house, Kim gets annoyed when, once again, Kourtney refuses to go on a work trip.  Jonathan makes a comment that Kourtney really isn’t working hard, no offense (remember kids: if you say no offense, they have no right to get offended). Predictably, Kourtney is offended and things get uncomfortably personal. She tells Jonathan that his job basically entails following Kim around and doing nothing (I can’t comment on the truth of this statement because I really don’t know what Jonathan’s job entails; he never does seem to be working). Jonathan retaliates by saying that without Kim, Kourtney would be nothing. They go back and forth until the fight escalates with Kourtney slapping Jonathan in the face.

Yikes. It looks like we’ve got ourselves some drama.

As Jonathan storms off, Kourtney basically shrugs and tells a stunned Khloe that, “he was bothering me.” Kim, meanwhile, runs after Jonathan, whose face is bright red and its evident Kourtney actually hit him really hard. He says that he might press charges. Later, they tell Scott, to which he responds that it’s not legal to hit people; if it were, he would do it all the time. Kim wants Kourt to apologize, but she doesn’t want to because Jonathan shouldn’t have gotten involved in their business. Khloe mentions that Jonathan had a point, and Kourtney says that her family is her first priority, not her work.

Eventually, Kourt apologizes to her sisters because she doesn’t like to travel and she feels bad. They accept the apology but Kim tells her she NEEDS to apologize to Jonathan because one simply does not slap someone and then pretend like it never happened.

Khloe can’t sleep and even though it’s basically the middle of the night, she gets on her new motorbike (thanks for that, Kim) she goes out to get more Cuban coffee. Of course, it’s the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, so none of the coffee shops are open. Khloe is really bummed about this, and when she goes to sit down on a curb, she drops her keys into a gutter by accident.

To reiterate: Khloe is in the middle of Miami.  On a random street. In the middle of the night. Looking for coffee. Without a mode of transportation.

Well, it takes more than that to slow a Kardashian down, so she continues walking around, toting the motorcycle with her. She’s basically a hot mess, and eventually she calls up Scott to pick her up, but while she’s waiting, she’s still looking for an open coffee shop because you gotta do what you gotta do. Scott finally arrives, and doesn’t understand how Khloe could have gotten herself into this situation. I don’t even think the cameramen fully understand, and they’ve been following her around all night. After bringing Khloe home, Kourtney and Kim decide that she has a serious problem (it should not have taken this long to figure out) and are able to convince her to go on a cleanse.

Kim tries everything from grooming to more bathing to make Mercy less of an allergen. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work, and the poor kitty looks so sad and lonely because Kim can’t hold her; she actually looks sick because of lack of affection. Kim would rather be sick and keep the cat, but Khloe suggests that she give the cat to a friend of hers.  Kim eventually decides that it’s best to send Mercy away, but she’s really sad about it.

Kim arranges a meeting between Jonathan and Kourtney so that Kourt can apologize. Let’s face it, Jonathan is still bitter; when Kourtney says, “I’m not good at apologizing,” he responds, “I’m not good at getting smacked.” They are both able to talk it out, and I suppose that all’s well that ends well.